Monday, June 23, 2008

Coming Out Concerns (3)... Problems at School

After my separation from my husband, the sense of relief was so great it never occurred to me to stay in the closet for long. I have been unhappy in a marriage for so long, I couldn't bear to live that way again just so everyone will accept me.

My cousin is a lesbian and she has a daughter that seems very well adjusted. Added to this, with my son's Autism, he's got more important things to focus on than his mum's sexual orientation, my daughter is already very strong, being the sister of a sibling with special needs, so she is aware of families that are a bit different. All of these things made me not even consider staying in the closet for the sake of my kid's life at school. It was a non issue.

However last night I started thinking about it. Am I selfish thinking this way? Am I being blinded by what I want? Would my kids be teased about it, or are kids pretty accepting these days? I live in the suburbs and a good portion of the mums are stay at home mums - so lots of gossiping at school drop off and pick up and I haven't overheard anything derogatory about gays.

I think it is seen as a bit of a novelty, but since I've heard some of them say "if I was a lesbian...", I figure they can't be too against it.

However, regardless how accepting our community is, I'm sure somewhere down the line the kids will be either teased or constantly questioned about it. I guess I'll just have to make sure - even more than I am already doing - that my kids have enough self esteem to deal with any teasing that might come their way.

I really don't think it is possible for me to not come out. I just can't imagine not being true to myself now that I can. But I just know I'm going to second guess myself constantly when it comes to my kids.

I mean, how am I supposed to know what happens to them there. I can ask teachers, but they don't always know what goes on in the playground. I really hope my kids feel they can come and talk to me about any  problems... but I know that my daughter already holds back from telling me some of her worries regardless of how open I am with her.

I guess all I can do is cross my fingers yet again and hope beyond hope that I'm not screwing up my kids school years! As adults they may be totally accepting and happy with it,  but I do worry that their school years may be tainted by teasing. I'm determined to be as prepared as I can be to help them through any problems. 

Luckily as I've found since starting this blog - there are lots of other mums out there with similar situations that I can reach out to to ask for advice! (See my blog roll for some of those great mums).


Queers United said...

you may consider having your kids be involved with COLAGE children of lesbians and gays everywhere, they will feel like they fit in more

butterfly said...

Thanks so much for that link... haven't checked the site out completely yet but the penpals part of COLAGE sounds like something that would definitely interest my daughter.

Queers United said...

great im glad to hear it seems like a good resource =)

nina said...

this is something that has been on my mind over the last few years. i wish i had an anwer for you.

as for the women who say "if i were a lesbian..." or "i wish i were a..." it sorta insults me. its as if they think we live a life so much easier than theirs. AND i HATE it when a woman says "gosh if i were gay, i'd do you". its as if they think lesbians sleep with every other lesbian and straight girls too... its as if being lesbian disconnects out ability to discern. its not a compliment. i am often heard responding, "not so fast, you are not my type".

but i digress... anything you discover that might be of help with regards to our school age kids will be appreciated hon.