Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Out of it lately!

Ever since February I've totally lost focus - but lately it is even worse. I just can't seem to get my arse into gear. I've been even more despondent I guess because of the stress of my ex stopping his mortgage payments.

I don't know what we are going to do next month because mum just can't help me - she doesn't have enough herself.

And I'm also stressing because it seems that my ex won't agree to let me keep the house. And even if he does I feel horrendous at accepting my parents offer to pay out half my mortgage so I can afford repayments.

I originally agreed because I thought their help would all come from my part of a trust set up for us kids for when my step dad passes away. Since it would be coming to me anyway I was happy to receive it now when I needed it instead of when someone I loves dies.

However I've now found out that my mum will have to chip in from her super, and even though she can access her super she isn't sure whether she will be allowed to work still after she has accessed it.

Besides this because of the stockmarket plunge - they are losing a whole lot more than they planned when they made the offer.

I doubt they'd let me refuse, and I've been told by numerous people I'd be crazy to refuse. Especially because I need this house so much because of my son's special needs. But it does still leave me feeling guilty. 

Someone did tell me a good idea though. If mum finds she needs her money in years to come, I can always sell at a later date and pay her back then.

But in the mean time I have to show them that I'm going to put the effort in to fixing my life and keeping my house nice. If they are going out of their way I need to meet them half way.

Problem - I just can't get going! My ex is losing weight, got a girlfriend and moving on with his life and I feel like I'm stagnating.

I want to lose weight, get a girlfriend and move on with my life too!

Well plans are in the works. I've promised my son we'd go for a walk today - he won't let me get away with not doing it.

And I've decided that if I can afford it - I'm definitely going back to Uni next year (I'll give more details about that in a later post). Now I just have to focus on my home.

Easier said than done. 

Maybe the walk will energise me some.

No comments: