Does my sexuality excuse his faults???

I'm kind of upset right now at my ex. I was planning on doing a big rant because he just told me he is going to stop paying his side of the mortgage from this month because he needs the money for his 'legal team' (god he sounded pretentious when he said that!). So I'm left having to accept help from my parents again - which they really don't need because my stepfather just came out of hospital!

Anyway I was planning on going on about it, but the news is just a couple of hours old and I can't wrap my head around it just yet - even to write at length about it.

However the thing I do want to write about right now is to do with my ex.

Currently the general mood amongst family and friends is that my ex was not a good husband or father. There may have been a few unuttered thoughts in regards to me not being brilliant at keeping house and my weight gain over my marriage, but the general thought is that he is the one mainly at fault. Especially considering he is the one that left, and had an immediate girlfriend.

I'm not blind to my own faults, but there really was a lot that I put up with in my marriage that I really shouldn't have put up with.

Here's the thing. I'm worried that when I come out, some of my current supporters will forget all they believe right now and say that his actions are excused because his wife is a lesbian.

Now if he had affairs (beyond the current girlfriend who he says he only started with after we separated), that could be understandable. Not forgiven - but understandable. After all he had a wife that did not want to sleep with him. But any of his other actions have no relevance to my sexuality and I just really don't want them discounted.

I'm not saying I want people to be remembering forever that he is a prick. Most of the time, I'm not really all that bitter about it and will be happy to forget it and move on. After all I don't have to put up with it now - so everything is already so much better. But I was really unhappy, beyond the fact that my sexuality wasn't compatible to marriage with a man and I hate the idea of that unhappiness could possibly treated as if I caused it all myself.

I'm probably not making any sense at all as it is one of those topics that takes me round in circles and the point I'm trying to make usually gets lost in the confusion.

Oh well, regardless if it makes any sense to others, it helped to vent a little!

Why I want to come out now...

In a recent post I was questioning why I wanted to come out now so much. After all, I've been separated now for 6 months - why didn't I get the urge sooner?

It was only today at a friends house that I figured it out. I don't want to lie by omission.

So often in conversations these days I end up talking about moving on and my plans for years to come... and I just hate the way I have to state things. I'm talking about dating again and being open to the idea of having another baby if I meet the right person which is all true... but I'm just so constantly aware of the huge part of my conversation that I know is there but my friends don't. It is so glaringly obvious to me when I use gender nonspecific words, that I can't have these talks without feeling like a complete liar!

I think it is also because I'm hopefully about to reach settlement with my ex. A huge part of me has been mainly waiting for settlement before I come out just in case my ex reacts badly and it has an effect on what he is willing to agree to. I'm in a really bad financial situation because until my son starts school full time I can't work at all, so I really can't afford for what should be a friendly settlement become fraught with issues.

It is so frustrating, just as I get some answers to some of my questions, more questions just pop up. I've got so much new awareness and what if's and when should I's going around that I think I just really need to go to bed and sleep on it!